Banana, Cucumber, Or Tofu, Anyone?

Mr Mean, obviously scrambling for a topic other than Scrabble to spend an evening at Mean Manor discoursing about (or perhaps this was his idea of sweet-talk) turned the tide of conversation to erectile dysfunction surveys.

Ah, he's such a smooth talker!

"A new Singaporean study has asked men to rate their erect penises as being most similar to a cucumber, unpeeled banana, peeled banana or tofu," he informed me. And here I was thinking of a toothpick.

An even newer study, I read today, tested whether circumcision ruined your sex life, as a New Scientist article explained. The study tested the hardness of different penises - circumcised and uncircumcised by pressing on them at different places while the owners watched erotic films.

Cucumber, banana, tofu - I suppose?

It didn't really seem to say anything about taking into account individual tastes in films - do policewomen turn you on, threesomes, lesbian sex or little furry animals? Maybe Mr Cucumber just got a few more of his favourite porn films in the collection shown.

So not only are scientists not just thinking about whether curry flavoured condoms or buxom cherry-lipped blondes are to the taste of their respondents (or lack-of-respondents), but they're prodding others' privates trying to decide whether they feel more like which fruit or vege.

Some very bruised market stock out there, most probably.

My question is - would you rather be circumcised, or have your privates prodded at 5 different pressure points during your telly watching time while someone calls out "TOFU!" or "UNPEELED BANANA"?